In recent months, I have turned a page in my life. I choose to sell first one and now more recently, the second of two Physiotherapy businesses and to begin to engage writing and coaching as full time play. In doing so, I have discovered that much of what I had used to define myself has fallen away. In the wake of shedding the identities of Physiotherapist and business owner, a tender new shoot has emerged that comes with very deep roots. One of the greatest gifts in this process was the opportunity to come to terms with my fear in the face of uncertainty. I learned to trust in the abundance that is readily accessible in a life lived in accordance with our deepest passion. What began as a gentle nudge to realign my life bloomed into an undeniable, restless urge, supported by a myriad of synchronicities along the way.

The restless genius that lives in me has led me to this place where a new beginning is possible. I have acquired many tools along the way that give me a unique perspective of the bridges that exist between science and the esoteric. I have come to realize that what we hold as fixed and real is a construct of our own perceptions of reality. When the context changes, so does our perception. My old context of success dramatically changed when I began to tune into the voice of my authentic self. Success based on an external reference is one context and the context of an inner reference point of hopes and dreams completely and irrevocably redefined my reality.

I no longer believe that there is the one and only one way to consider the world. I have become curious about what can be discovered when we take something that we think is “just how it is” and become willing to play with it and blur its edges to see what pops out. Now that I can recognize what a context is, I am noticing that it can be a lot like playing with a kaleidoscope. Make one shift and all the elements reorganize themselves into a wonderful new image. Make another adjustment and poof- a different image! I invite you to entertain the possibility that what you hold as “real” may be more malleable than you think. Are you living your life based on habituated responses? Be playful in considering that there may be different ways in which to consider the world. Be willing to allow yourself to step outside the clearly defined box of your current perception of reality and have a look around!

As my perceptions have shifted I can see that I have become well versed in both healing arts and human hearts in this journey from Physiotherapist to my authentic writer self. I have a deeper appreciation of the incredible power and potential that we carry in our bodies to support us in becoming much more in our lives and in our evolutionary journey. We were not designed to be puny, small and fearful. We are magnificent beyond measure. We have simply forgotten it in the midst of all the illusions that hold us captive.

Based on this new vantage point I have also become convinced that each of us carries within us a wellspring of potential that lies in readiness, awaiting our discovery. It never dries up no matter how long it has been since we last drank from it. It simply is. Always present. Ever ready. It is a source of health, peace, creativity, and contentment. I believe that we deserve it and that we are designed to embody it. Anything less betrays our potential and diminishes our humanity. This notion is part of popular wisdom. Consider the phrases, “use it or lose it” and “life is not a dress rehearsal”.

So what stops us once we awaken to our authentic self? Perhaps it is our fear of the unknown or a belief that we must work long and hard on ourselves, sacrifice ourselves for a larger ideal. Perhaps it is that we feel we don’t deserve to live at our fullest potential. Consider the beliefs about scarcity that run our lives- not enough time, not enough money, not enough energy. It is never too late to choose differently. Once we become willing to wake up to our authenticity and embrace our wellspring of hopes, dreams and potential we must take action and choose for ourselves whether we will numb and anesthetize ourselves or if we will step boldly into the larger adventure that life offers. Not taking steps to align with our inner compass leads to consequences that impact the quality of our lives. A lack of alignment suppresses our vital flow.

If you are wondering how to excavate your authentic self after many years of not heeding its call, I urge you to pay attention to the genius of your restlessness. The restlessness may be in mind, body or spirit, but you will sense its presence. It may come disguised as the barely glimpsed thought, the recurrent dream, a fleeting sensation that escalates into a physical symptom demanding your attention. No matter how it comes to you, if you are willing to awaken, stretch and look around at your world differently, you will begin to find the trail back to something long forgotten and still present, silently waiting. Moving with the rhythm of your restlessness rather than swimming against its current sets you on the path to self-discovery.

The genius in my restless journey has also lead me into many of my fears only to discover that I am much more than the illusions that have limited my life. I have walked through my fears, felt the impact in my body and discovered that as I relax into the sensations and lay claim to them, I am able to see that fear and self-limiting beliefs are simply veils. They are constructs of my habits of thought and early learning. Until I embraced them as I began moving forward, I was held in place by the nameless. This discovery has not rendered me fearless, I simply know those sensations to be signs of life. When I pull back, the restlessness returns, prodding me to move forward into the unknown.

Uncertainty is the platform of formlessness out of which we have full reign to create. It is a playground of potential, a fertile void. It is a place to co-create with whatever we believe sources us –God, the Universe or the Higher Self. We have become so fearful of the unknown and so divorced from our inner wellspring that we continue to choose to create our lives based on the past. We repeat our history over and over again and wonder why nothing ever seems to change. We struggle to let go of our habits of thoughts and our rigid perceptions because we fear what we don’t know. We have been taught not to trust ourselves and to put our unquestioning faith in the external guideposts that have been set up for us to follow. I know what it takes to break the pattern, to walk through the fear and to be transformed; to walk through the fire and discover that you possess not just a bit of potential but exponential potential to create a life that is meaningful for YOU. What it requires is unwavering faith in your inner compass, YOUR inner truth.

Based on my compass, I have begun walking a different path, a labyrinth that spirals ever outward containing all the steps of my journey as circles within circles. Each new circle becomes a larger context in which to hold the previous one. Each completed circle claims and holds the territory around which the next is built.  Walking this path has required lots of letting go and venturing into the unknown. In my life, just like in a labyrinth, I may not have the vantage point to see the larger pattern emerging. I simply must trust as and move forward in order to discover its beauty and mystery. Standing still leaves me with only a fixed view of the whole, only a snapshot of the total experience. Retracing my steps has taken me down paths where I trade the temporary comfort of familiarity for stasis. It is only by moving forward that I can create a different experience for myself.

This journey in my life so far has required me to become honest with myself and to take responsibility for my past, my present and my future. In sharing my story, perceptions and discoveries I can claim the fiery creation of my emerging writer-self and continue my journey into the next chapter waiting to be created in my life story. Perhaps in sharing my story, you will find something of yourself here too. I wish you well on your journey, fellow traveler.

Anita Allen, BScPT, CODE model Coach(TM)